David Diet

The David Diet Routine - Days 2 Thru 7

David Diet Day 2

You repeat Day 1. Naturally, if your heart rate is too high or you are becoming light headed or your joints or muscles are sore, you need to back off. See your doctor if something is not right.

At times, you may experience indigestion from the David Diet. That is the reason for inclusion of Diet 7UP in the shopping list. The carbonation should help alleviate any minor distress.

David Diet Day 3

By now, you have been on what is essentially a liquid/roughage diet for three days, which is approximately the time it takes for the large intestine to fill up with your new "formula." And of course, the olive oil is greasing the skids, with the oatmeal acting as a battering ram of sorts. You did want to lose weight, right? Well, now you are going to find out exactly "how" you will lose it. Burning calories via internal combustion is not the only way.

In preparation for the Big Event, keep handy those wash cloths which were on the shopping list. If you suffer from hemorrhoids, don't worry, because when you have been on this diet for awhile, your hemorrhoids will thank you, as will your gastroenterologist. Why? Because as you consume this diet, you are liquefying your digestive tract. Remember, it's mostly water going in, so it will be mostly water coming out. Almost no effort required.

The best place to get caught with your pants down is at home. Of course, Mother Nature has a rhythm of her own, so there may be times when you are in the wrong place at the right time. Therefore, Rule #1 is to know the location of the nearest rest room at all times. Rule #2 is to wear clothes which are easy to remove quickly. In other words, panty hose are definitely not cool. And starting this diet five days before you menstruate is also not optimum timing. (Guys, you may ignore the preceding sentence.) In a perfect world, you would simply throw on a long dress with nothing else under the lower half except your shoes. (Scottish men may change the word "dress" to "kilt.") Rule #3 is to avoid using toilet paper whenever possible to reduce potential aggravation of hemorrhoidal tissues. A wet cotton towel--without harsh soap--is much gentler.

You may find a bit of a let down at the start of the evacuation process. Intense gastric distress may be followed by a rather dramatic demonstration of hot air, with little else following. But do not despair. As soon as you arise and adjust yourself, you will be right back where you started, and this time, you may feel as if you had taken a large dose of Milk of Magnesia. The amount of methane gas in the air will only be matched by your level of embarrassment. But the gratification which will come from this experience will be magnified each time you step onto the scale and see your weight going down the drain, so to speak. Just because you finish a session does not mean you shall not be back at "headquarters" within the hour. "Stepped away from his/her desk" will become your office nickname. The good news is that this will not necessarily be a daily occurrence. You may experience several days where nothing particularly moving transpires, followed by a series of events which may be reminiscent of the 1812 Overture. This is when the air freshener or book of matches come into play. I prefer the matches, as long as they don't trigger the smoke alarm, thereby starting the sprinkler system and making your decision to wear a thin dress without undergarments the incorrect choice.

David Diet Day 4

Keep going...!

David Diet Day 5

If you have used up your last helping of pre-cooked oatmeal from Day 1 through Day 4, you may substitute Quaker Squares (blue box "brown sugar" version) on this Day 5. The correct serving size is one cup. If you are more adventurous, you may substitute Post Raisin Bran in the 25oz box. Roughage is a wonderful thing. Again, one cup is the serving size.

David Diet Day 6

It's Saturday and you are sick and tired of the Monday thru Friday diet. Start your day with two biscuits of Post (formerly Nabisco) Original Shredded Wheat Cereal. Instead of oil & vinegar dressing, make your own Thousand Island dressing. Use Hellmann's (Best Foods west of the Rockies) Real Mayonnaise, Heinz Ketchup and Heinz Sweet Relish. Go roughly 50/50 on the mayo/ketchup plus a tablespoon of relish. Mix thoroughly in a five inch saucer. Make enough so you feel guilty but not enough so you feel like a glutton. Add more to the salad as it disappears, and "run your bowl" to use all the dressing. Remember, this is only a once-a-week treat.

David Diet Day 7

Let's assume you began the David Diet on a Monday and it is now Sunday. Congratulations! You get to sleep in, as there is no walking today. Studies have shown you need one day off a week, because over-exercise can be a bad thing. Instead of oatmeal for breakfast, you can have two pancakes, made in the following manner: Half cup Reduced Fat Bisquick, one third cup of skim milk. Mix thoroughly. Add generous amount of olive oil to non-stick frying pan at "7" on a scale of "10" over burner. When a droplet of water sizzles, slowly pour half the mix into the pan. Turn over when bubbles have created a firm edge. Remove pancake, add a bit more oil, repeat process. Add one thin pat of real butter (not margarine) between the pancakes, pour on a modest amount of Mrs. Butterworth's reduced calorie light syrup, add fresh fruit if desired (strawberries, blueberries, peaches but NOT bananas) and enjoy with a cup of coffee topped with real light cream. By sleeping in late, this breakfast was consumed near 10AM, which means you will have an easier time making it to dinner than on a work day. But you will still face challenges because on a day off, you are not in your regular routine, and may be subject to temptation. To minimize this problem, dinner will be different tonight. Okay, I won't keep you waiting. One third pound of fish of your choice, (I prefer haddock, cod, pollack and salmon but you may find other fish selections more readily available in your area) prepared without any added ingredients. This means not breaded and broiled and not fried. The David Diet is a "pure" diet, without the ingredients which cause calories to go up instead of down. This means you place the fish on a fat reducing microwave tray (usually used for bacon and elevated to allow the fat to drip into the lower area--I specified a brand in the Wal-Mart shopping list earlier), cover with plastic wrap, and microwave on high setting for two minutes or until done. Add a pat of warm butter, add lemon juice, a tablespoon of real mayonnaise on the side, and consume with a five inch bowl of standard white or brown rice, for which preparation requires twenty minutes using one third cup of rice and one cup of water. The rice can have its own pat of butter. You don't need a vegetable side dish since you eat vegetables the other six days of the week, but one fresh zucchini squash side dish will fill the bill, if you are a glutton for punishment.

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